He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
