i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
