I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
