shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
