I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
