with your own penis?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
