OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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