I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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