Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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