There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
