If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
