she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
