if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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