rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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