I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
