so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
