i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
