I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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