...so i touched it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
