Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
