when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
