The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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