So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
