I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
