You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
