I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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