You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
