He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
