woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You don't make any sense
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