hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
