The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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