I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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