You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
