Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
