When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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