Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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