I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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