Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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