I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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