Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
