her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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