Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
