do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
