I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
