Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
