Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
