I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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