i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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