That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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