I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How's work?
Spinning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
